Is It a Sin to Have a Crush?

One of the biggest questions for Christian teens is whether or not having a crush on someone is actually a sin. We've been told so many times that lusting is a sin but is a crush equal to lust or is it something different?

Crushing vs. Lusting

Depending on your perspective, lusting can be no different than having a crush. On the other hand, they can be very different. It's all in what your crush entails.

The Bible is very clear that lusting is a sin. We know about the warnings against sexual sin. We know the commandment about adultery. In Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery in his heart," we learn that just looking at a person with lust is a form of adultery. So, how are you looking at your crush? Is it something where you lust after him or her?

Not all crushes involve lust, though. Some crushes actually do lead to relationships. When we lust, we focus on pleasing ourselves. It is giving control to the sexual thoughts. However, when we think of relationships in a Biblical way, we lead ourselves toward healthy relationships. Wanting to get to know someone better, to date, is not sin unless we allow lust to interweave itself into the crush.

Crushes As Distractions

Lust is not the only sinful danger with crushes. We can often get very involved in our crushes to a point where they become obsessions. Think about how far you would go to impress a crush. Are you changing yourself to please a crush? Are you denying your faith to get in good with your crush or his friends? Are you using people to get to him or her? When crushes become distractions or harmful others they become sinful.

God wants us to fall in love. He designed us that way. However, changing everything about yourself isn't the way to be in love, and changing everything is no guarantee to get your crush to like you. We need to find others that love us just as we are. We need to date people who understand our faith and accept it, even help us grow in our love of God. When crushes cause us to walk away from God's important tenets, that leads us to sin.

When we put our crush before God, we are definitely sinning. The commandments are clear that we avoid idol worship, and idols come in all sorts of forms—even people. Often our crushes start taking up our thoughts and desires. We do more to please our crush than our God. It's easy to get caught up in these desires, but when God gets cut out or lessened, we're violating His commandments. It's God first.

Crushes That Turn Into Relationships

There are times that crushes can lead to dating relationships. We obviously date people we're attracted to and like. While something good can start with a crush, we have to be sure that we avoid all the pitfalls that lead us into sin. Even when our crushes end up in relationships, we should then make sure those relationships stay healthy.

When a crush turns into a relationship, there is often an underlying fear that the person will leave. Sometimes it feels like we are more into the relationship than the crush, or we feel so lucky that the crush even cares, so we lose sight of ourselves and of God. Fear is no foundation of any relationship. We have to remember that God is always with us, and God will always love us. That love is always greater. He desires positive relationships for us.